we broke up and he got another girl pregnant we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. I think we can all agree that the safest thing for men to do is to simply masturbate alone, while wearing a condom. The baby is coming, the product of a two month relationship. P.P.S. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Just 10 seconds in the slipstream at 175 mph.. Chuck Pelto You bet. honeybeenicki That happens. He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. But I believe theres a definite difference. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. Im pretty surprised by some of the stances shes made on this thread and I do enjoy and almost always agree with her comments. At least with adopted children, they usually have one or two great parents who can explain, in a way that doesnt hurt them or damage their self-worth, why they were put up for adoption. Both sexes suffer from inequalities in the reproductive process due to biology. He was instrumental in the whole zygote creating you know that thing that turned into a baby Whats that? iseeshiny I knew, but loved him so much, forgave him & said wed give each other some space, but when I gave that space, he just went on ahead & made this lady pregnant. Thats taking responsibility for your own choices. They like to entrap men, too. But again the adoption makes that all moot. He is not the end all and be all. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. If you dont want a baby use birth control. Also I disagree with the logic that if you support legal abortion, then you emphatically deny that men create children. I really only mean exactly what I said. As a child who was raised by my mother and saw neither hair nor hide of my biological father, who diligently paid child support, Ive turned out for the better. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. Not me. bittergaymark And dont worry, my sons will have the good sense to stay away from your daughters. But, seriously you should both get tested for STDs. But if Im going to have casual sex without proper protection, well then Id better damn well be prepared for the potential consequences. I dont see why the guy should get a free pass for having unprotected sex. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum?. Is he supposed to lie and say shes a wonderful person, if she isnt? April 9, 2012, 1:57 pm. Youre wondering if he will marry her. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. It takes a man to be a father. Can you blame me for feeling this way? silver_dragon_girl having sex with someone you dont know that well. Ive grown up better being raised by a loving, supportive mother who wanted me than by two parents who didnt want to be together, one of whom readily admitted he wasnt ready or willing to be a father. Also, it delights me that you base your assumptions on general human behavior on the Jerry Springer Show. slept with someone else. When a woman tells you that shes on the pill, whether its true or not, and you believe that means that you cannot impregnate her you are the idiot. However, my father got primary physical placement, and my mother got 4 hours of visitation a week, and THAT is what dictated child support (or would have if she could have afforded to pay it). LW says they were separated for two months. Especially if ever precaution was taken (birth control, condoms, etc.). we were truley in love. But let me make a few suggestions Steve. If I got pregnant by a guy who begged me to have one, I would tell him if he doesnt want this child he can just fuck off and I will raise him/her but I will not kill my own child for him. That wont solve anything. You know what bothers me, if the lady wasnt pregnant would he have told you of the affair? I think difference is ensuring that the child is cared for. The LW clearly believes that this is the case, and an objective reading of the circumstances she describes suggests that its a legitimate consideration. Ill bet if LW gets pregnant, this guy is gone just about instantly. 22. . Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. lol. -Tried to pressure her into getting an abortion Why? Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Thats a dudes view. LW, your BF impregnates another woman AND you think that you are entitled to an opinion about whether she should keep her unborn child? Im sorry, but sex creates children. Hell, given the entitlement and lack of boundaries displayed in your letter, itll probably be your life no matter what. He wants nothing to do with his own child. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. Dont engage in the action. April 10, 2012, 9:36 am. I think hes scum because 1.- he asked the other woman to have an abortion and 2.- now hes mad that she didnt. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. I also think that some LWs after reading the comments change there stories in the updates to try to save face though. He isnt what is best for you. No. April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. If the woman doesnt want the child, she has that option. i thought that was a bit harsh as well although her anger is unjustified, shes actually just reacting the same way 99% of people would do in that same situation. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? As a dude, this letter brings up several thoughts. You can look at it like women are lucky- they can opt out at the last minute! Seriously, no wonder so many of are all too stupid to understand where babies come from. April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. At which point, no matter what form the chastisement comes, feminists are going to be looking for REAL men..and not finding them. Both parties should be concerned about birth control. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. But then it really IS all about needless solidarity on here as of late to be sure. He does have the right to change his mind about how involved hed like to be. Fine, Ill support you in raising the child, but Im not prepared to be a dad. Yes, it is the less than desirable course to take but he is, in a way, owning up to his responsibility (monetarily). No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. So the fact that none of your good friends have HIV (which is good to hear) doesnt necessarily mean that they are more capable of using a condom than the heterosexuals you know. I want to get angry but I don't know if it's considered cheating. Privacy Policy. John Rohan Id confirm that shes actually pregnant He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Theres a fun scenario. However, I dont think it sounds like hes ready or willing to settle down with either woman. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) The you made your choice when you had sex argument goes both ways. I dont think anyone thinks hes an ass for having sex with someone after a split. How does your law make this fair? Roe v. Wade merely established that abortion is a privacy issues and that a womans right to choose what is done with her body takes precedent over the rights of a state to prevent abortion. I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. He doesnt want anything to do with her? Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . Has she tried to convince him to come back to her? Months after we broke up, he would come and go as he pleased. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. . April 9, 2012, 1:35 pm. If youre going to have sex with someone you are not in a relationship with, be prepared that a *pregnancy* might happen. So the man in there He should probably act responsibly too. Regret can feel even worse than heartbreak. April 9, 2012, 12:17 pm. Oh, me too! He did help create it. I dont know why this posted as a reply to Honeybeenicki I tried to post it separately. If a woman wanted to choose to terminate the child, would she be less of a real woman for not stepping up to the responsibility? The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. He ejaculates thats it. That was supposed to be a reply to Temperance, not ele4phant. but he does not have the option to opt out entirely, which is something the pregnant woman can do. This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. Steve Kellmeyer I think he was just really scared, and alot had changed in a really short matter of time. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. RunsWithScissors You are feeling particularly aggressive or bold. Francine Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill.. At this point, she doesnt even know for certain that the woman is pregnant or that its his child. I am no worse for never knowing my biological father, who paid child support, and being raised alone by my mother. If men abandon a child, you have a child with needs that take precedent over fairness to the abandoning parent. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. Before getting back together with your ex, maybe you should consider strongly whether or not you want to be with the kind of person whos angry that someone didnt abort in order to alleviate HIM of responsibility. Okay so what if the LW is not pro choice. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. Woman are more easily able to get custody and so are more likely to get support. Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. I am curious what RR will have to say after some interesting points being made after her comments. I know Im not, but thats mainly because Im in a foul mood and feel feisty. But you are wrong for trying to force him to stay with someone just because of the child. well, then Id run screaming the other way. By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. But it is a result of a legal system that prioritizes the needs of children over fairness to the parents. April 10, 2012, 11:43 am. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. I just found out that someone he had slept with before we got back together is pregnant. hi there! =), lets_be_honest LW, your anger is misdirected. But the issue is when he decided not to pull out but bust a load into a strangerhe took on that risk of possibily having the responsibility to pay for a kid for the next 18 years. Wellyeah. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. Move forward with your life. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. And he wants absolutely nothing to do with that baby? Then, after giving him an ultimatum to get it together or lose you, you felt it best to move away and hoped he would run after you. And that isnt fair either. April 10, 2012, 7:35 pm. As others have said, arguably this is more denial and shock than actual fury. How about, The woman who decided to keep the child knowing that the man was not interested in being a father and providing support?. And I appreciate that he made his decision and stuck with it, instead of deciding to drop in and out whenever he felt like. If the childs mother fully intends to love and support and care for her child, and explain to him/her that their biological fathers lack of desire to be a dad or deficits has nothing to do with him/her that child will grow up no worse for wear. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. Because thats really not that old. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. WTH is that?! I will chalk you up as being an internet hairpuller. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. And you wonder why people accuse the threads of being hostile toward males? If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. Here is the truth: After a break up you create a hierarchy. Weeks. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. , CatsMeow But early on, this is not an inevitable outcome, and if only one person wants the child, the other should be able to not be obligated. Now Im confused. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. It would be nice if he said hed rather not have a kid, but he said that he is not happy that she is pregnant, and asked if she could abort. The risk of pregnancy if something goes wrong broken condom, etc. Niven and Pournelle, Lucifers Hammer]. Deal with it, ladies. Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. i am currently in an awful situation. You are an entitled, awful, C.U.N.T for even THINKING that you have an opinion on what this woman does with her pregnancy. No, thats the kids money. I cried and felt so depressed. What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Nothing. Im not disagreeing with your assessment at all, however, I have to question you on thisdo you really believe that if it were possible to two men or two women to get pregnant that they never would and things like this would never happen just because they were heterosexual? If she doesnt, DO NOT have sex with her. So true. April 10, 2012, 7:38 pm. A condom would have prevented this whole thing AND protected you from STDs. Your constant blatant disregard for others is increasingly more and more shocking Plus it is only the heteros that are so steadfast and determined to keep fucking people like me over and over All the while, claiming they want smaller government Then get the FUCK out of my bedroom and out of my fucking life. And frankly, the more money and less contact the baby gets from your boyfriend, the better off he or she will be (not that s/he has much of a chance, given the nest of grown-ups s/hes coming into). And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened!